death

No matter how often we hear or see it – around us, amongst us, we never get used to it. We are almost as unprepared. Yet, even if for a moment, it makes us pause and ponder. Where are we heading? What do we value? Who do we love? Are we living moments?

Two days back, I lost my aunt. Four months back, it was another. Both loved me some way. Although I am not emotionally attached to relatives, except both my grandmothers who doted on me, their silver-white hair and a smile that only love brings. I didn’t beat my chest in grief, yet it moved me enough to tears. Pain is rarely loud. When people become memories, there is no second way to express or so I experience?

It’s a tad difficult to understand what’s the best way to say your last goodbye. What if you don’t have time? What if death is sudden? What if those you love aren’t even around? Oh God – that would be really bad. I don’t have answers. No one has.

Who knows how will I die? And when? I don’t wish to know that. But I’ll wish I have my family around – my parents, sisters, perhaps T - a friend who has been all that this word ever meant to me, and my elusive lover who still remains elusive. Maybe he's held up in traffic? That I get a chance to say one last time I always loved you all. That I hope I wasn’t much of a trouble, my silliness included. That you gave me the most precious thing – time – when I needed it. That I hope to have lived to your expectations. Sorry Mom – I gave you the hardest time. That I was always sorry for hurt I caused, and the promises life did not offer me a chance to fulfil. That I couldn't make it big, but I held onto my inner voice. That I couldn’t thank you enough for being in my life – for accepting all of me – yet staying like yesterday. That when the earth was going round, you made my world worth this circle- of life and death.

Maybe I’ll never get a chance?

In that case, I’ll go tell them now?

(I have this post - to be on the safer sideJ)