Correlation: Good judgement & bad experience

Okay..I aint back to make a complaint. But to share an amusing incident in progress. In the backdrop of my current job, I've been semi-actively (not hunting myself rather let my CV on job portals get headhunting firms call me) looking out to get back into the groove. To make things clear, this is my first so far in 8 almost years at an Indian firm after a series of MNCs, and in a completely different industry. From business research & consulting to an IT solutions provider. Things have been okay so far. I mean, its an easy place. Not much work pressure, no harassment, less travel time, flex-timings, and a cordial atmosphere. A peace of mind thing. However, there are stark differences in the organization culture, process handling etc which in foreign firms, are indeed very professional and objective-oriented in nature. Hence, I've been thinking of getting back at what I was best at, and not get comfortable & lazy so early in life.

In what appeared like a very well synchronized occurrence from a divine intervention, I received a mail from an MD&CEO of another small start-up Indian firm (who had had a telecon interview with me last year and  somehow it couldn't materialize into a personal meeting for unknown reasons until I picked up my current job) asking me how was I doing etc and that he was looking for someone in HR&OD. Though my experience is by-far diverse and thick, I did express my interest as I am confident I'll pull it with ease, if the designation and profile suited my future plans to diversify. However, I tried not to appear over-excited and in need thus having him chase me. He did and things started on a fine note. Interestingly, he offered me the title that I genuinely want to get off. Genuinely. Hence, I clarified and convinced him to right effect and he seemed to be okay. He mentioned of a new guy and how he decided to send him to his new London office. Well, I aint the falling for this 'bait'. I got enough to probably holiday there. And already being in well-paid job, I am careful of my next career move. It has to fall in line with my long-term goals. Anyways, so probably he wanted to convince me to accept and I wanted him to be convinced of me not accepting any of it.

After him following up with me for a week, I sent him my CV, which has indeed been termed as 'impressive' by a lot of employers and recruitment firms. Things got strange when a couple of days back, I got a call from his EA (who's a fresher & has been there for just 2 months) asking me to give him a time for a conversation. Obviously, the purpose wasn't clear and I was wondering if he has been given the task of convincing me for his current role. Anyways, I did give him a time and he never bothered to call then. Instead, he gave me a call the next evening citing his grueling schedule. Huh? Excuse me. You are giving a call to a person who's much senior to you in age, experience, and exposure. That's something to be noted and respected. I've recruited many a people at that level. As for my current role, circumstances do go bad at times but that doesn't mean you aren't worth better stuff in life. The most amusing thing was he instead wanted me to come over & meet him at a coffee house on Sunday! I mean 'Are you kidding me?' I declined and asked him to schedule it on Monday morning and choose a place on way to my office so that I can stop over for a chit-chat, if that was his objective. He called me again on Sunday evening and said he couldn't find a decent place and I should rather drop by his office!! Was that some kind of a joke? Its his idea and he is unable to put it into place each time. No planning and time management skills. I know he's a fresher. What pissed me off was his attitude. I was amused & irritated when he responded saying he wont 'allow' me to change his processes!! Beep-Beep-Beep. I thought! What processes? Do they have a process of calling people for coffee for chit-chats? And then he went completely off the line saying he would like to see me in person to be able to 'map' me for different profiles. Bloody hell! He aint either qualified or experienced enough to do that. I told him that - 1st- it was his idea to first telecon & then change it to a personal meeting so its he who's changing processes (if it can be termed so) and not me. 2nd-  I sent my CV to his MD and not to him so I 've no clue how he got involved to establish his immaturity. 3rd - I'm obviously not free as per his moods & conditions and that he must first consult his boss, decide on a formal time, date & venue and email it to me coz that's the right process of taking things in an official fashion. That's the real 'PROCESS'.

As of now, they have not got back to me. If this guy does, I don't think I must take his call. And if his boss does, I'd explain how success should come only after the right exposure and experience or else it does more harm than good to the company. I guess, this guy got on a high just by the mere opportunity of weighing a candidate, by far more qualified and experienced than he himself is, and made a mess of things sounding authoritative. Anyways, if I do meet the boss, do you think I must take up the job even if they offer me a role & title of my choice? I aint keen now for a boss who doesn't give a thought as who should be interacting with whom, is probably not a good decision maker himself? As for the opportunities, I am sure there are plenty if I give it a serious try. I would really welcome reader's thoughts on this post. Its an interesting piece of bad experience. Yes, in progress.

My morning chase...

I was taking a right turn on way to my earning source. My indicator was blinking tirelessly when a guy in a white-four-wheel-set acted a little smart, space invading in between by taking a narrow cut, coming from the wrong side of road! (Well, it ain't news that our traffic police is paid to yawn and expand their protruding bellies.) Obviously, he hit my treasured pride from the side. He adopted to escape the scene swirling his steering towards left, zapping to extreme left end of road. Sped. I wasn't letting him go. No way. Am sure had I performed his 'expert' act, people would've stared at me with just one thought - 'lady driver'! It was the rush hour and traffic was thick. Yet, the chase began...

I put my foot on accelerator and zoomed after him. At the next red light, I pulled my car besides him, rolled down my glass, and asked him to park at side. He didn't budge. A guy - thus, a perpetual *** in making. He sped again. So did this lady. Though my focus was his broken, bad car, I kept my cool. Yet, I was in no mood to let him get away. By now, his manhood seemed to be at stake. Only, he didn't know he was about to be robbed of it in a matter of minutes.

He swiftly diverted his car to the service lane. I took a cut too, pulled the car, and hit the brake pad right in front of his. Yay..I pinned him!!! Roughly a 7 min. chase. He had to get out of the thing called an 'insult' to 4-wheel lovers like me. He had no choice. He started yelling a series of excuses in broken, ill-taught English. I wonder why do people adopt this language when it wants to free itself from such language abusers. His facial expressions: Unrepentant and obviously not sorry. Instead, he made a failed try to scare me by throwing weight around...'I'm so & so's son'...Huh! Who's that?? & Who cares? I told him either he pays up for damage or I'm calling the police. He almost lost it. Finally, he came up with that his mum was in hospital...Phheww. I was sure he was lying but the thought ran...'just in case'. My sensitive instincts played and I let him go.

I was relieved to find only minor scratches. The damage was minor and money was not the question. Yet, he was at fault and could've politely apologized. It was his attitude that irked me bad. Have we, as humans, become so oblivious to everything around us that 'Sorry' is Greek to our behavior. Or is that coz I'm a woman? I'm sure he thought she wouldn't catch me anyway. I witness rash male drivers giving ludicrous stares at women drivers, as if steering wheel in our hands is no less a sin than humming translated Eminem lyrics in Taliban. Why don't they introspect themselves everytime they ridicule a woman? And count how many seconds/minutes have passed since the time their own preposterous driving skills and traffic sense almost killed someone.

This guy I chased is sure going to be feeling low for the rest of day, even if his mum isn't hospitalized. So men, every time, you mock at some woman behind wheels, look at yourself and by-heart a traffic rule book. And if you do still make mistakes, atleast act civilized. Coz guess what...you never know when you brush someone the wrong way, and loose much of your overrated stuff.

I'm sure gonna feel nice (even after those minor lines on my black baby :-) )

Start now > keep in progress> never stop: Attitude for Gratitude

I've been feeling a definite distaste in my life for quite sometime. I'm sure I crib a lot and my blogs reflect the same mood. Why do I have complaints, disgust, and anger brimming in my head all the time? It aint nice. Is my life really that bad or is that what I've forced myself into believing. There are countless souls who are in much more terrible state and are abysmally distraught than I am. I watch it on TV and read in papers all time. Then why do I complain so often about everything...right from my workplace to the lack of right pair of shoes to match my dress. Guess everything looks pathetic coz that's the way I think all the time. Recently, I read an article on 'Law of Attraction' that emphasizes on how you attract whatever you keep thinking about. Maybe nothing in my world goes right coz I focus on 'I dont want this' rather than 'I want this. I want this' all the time. Every single time.

Starting today, I make a practice to stop complaining and express gratitude which has been virtually non-existent until now, atleast consciously. I list things that I'm truly blessed to have and experience in my life so far...

1. Wonderful family: I absolutely love my parents and siblings for the unconditional love & support that they've offered and continue to do so each day. They've rejoiced my successes, felt my failures, and inspired me until I got up. I pray that every child is blessed with a family like that.

2. Amazing childhood: Cant thank God enough for wonderful, cherishable childhood I witnessed. Coming from a middle-class background, I was almost brought-up like a princess. In days when only rarely, people understood photography, I've albums full of those wonderful times, when my mum dressed me up & my dad took us to beautiful gardens on Sundays and shoot us in every mood. The best thing? They still continue to treat me like a princess...!

3. Great Education: I received my education from the best schools in my city. The BEST. I was the 1st in my neighborhood to get admission in that one. The rest followed. Everything I am today, I owe it to that place and people who got me there - Mum & Dad. I loved my school. Red-bricked architecture amidst beautiful, serene locale lined with eucalyptuses, rose gardens, & pansies. My love for nature began in those premises. Nostalgia...

4. Polished Persona: I'm of the fortunate few who received a lot of admiration from people around me- Parents, teachers, friends. Each of them had an influence that shaped the person I am today, inspiring me in their own little ways. Unearthed a singer, writer, orator, painter, while being equally fine in academics. I owe a big thank- you to you all wherever you are. 

5. Steer through crisis: Like almost everyone, we suffered huge huge crisis. Financial setbacks leading to emotional and mental turmoils. I now realize - it was a lesson in disguise. Its worth appreciating how my studies continued without a break. I secured scholarship for 2 yr straight during my Masters. It was meager yet significant. Yes, I didn't have enough to buy books and good clothes but I managed with a good library. I also learnt the word 'management' in its truest sense that geared me up for tougher times. Today I'm confident, I'll able to steer myself and my loved ones when I've 200 bucks while I work to get 2000. I'd manage. 

6. A place on dais of life: When I moved to a metro to establish myself, I had virtually nothing. As I'm writing this, I want to apologize for overlooking where life has got me today. I live in most plush locality with most comforts required. I drive a sedan of my own. I can afford labels I desire. My closet is full. My forgotten friends might be having a more luxurious life and exotic holidaying with hubbies, but none got this far on their own. Most have 'acquired' those through a 'merger' called 'marriage'. Shouldn't I be proud of myself? 

7. Bettering after setbacks: Life hasn't been easy. Its easy for none. Today, I see the goodness of it not having worked out. Its PAST. So I wait for best that's yet to come. 

8. Good food on my table each day must not be missed. There are many hungry stomachs in this world.

9. Vacations I enjoyed in the past 2 years.

10. Jobs I switched. Okay, its not the one that does justice to my abilities or gives me very fat salary yet its comfortable. There are many who slog it out everyday. And I'm certain I'll land where I want to..someday soon.

11. Getting younger. I feel I'm growing to be more young-chirpy-charming girl at heart. Beautiful from within and outside. I understand myself much better than I did. I am surer of what I want in life..the kind of person I would like to spend my life with..and deeper connections of hearts and souls.

12. Ability to forgive all those who hurt me for no reasons. I pray God gives strength to you all and at some point to realize its wonderful to stand up for what you believe in. 

There are countless things that make world wonderful. Nature, seas, mountains, chirping of morning birds, flowers, music, movies, seasons, home appliances, gadgets, cars, luxurious homes, etc etc. How can I neglect all that's worthy? Maybe, its time to test the power of thought. Perhaps, its time I shift my focus to its presence around than absence.Unravel the 'secret' and watch miracles. 

The 'law of attraction'...remember.

When loneliness sticks like a glue....even then, I dont want you.

- Mummy's boys: If you can smell them from a distance, even better. They are capable of growing out only in one place*. Resist the temptations. For long-term benefits and a good peaceful life. For your sake!!

- Loves you, Wont marry: A clever breed who sure knows how to woo a woman. They would do all that's expected of them. But just when you'd be busy fancying colors on your bedroom walls & curtain fabrics; he'd get disabled in head and slip into coma. Morons. Avoid.

- Cant hide & wont express: The weirdest of all, he would be thinking of you day and night and wouldn't shy from telling you so. He would drop hints, but would never go to he extent of making you think he's desperate for you. He plays safe. He would want you to sense his longing and make move. Even more interesting, if you commit that mistake (read sin), he would make you feel indebted to him forever for evening listening to your pining for him. He just needs you to massage his ego & other things. And then, excuse himself. His problem is: I wont do it and you were not supposed to do it. Either way, its a mess. 

- All froth, no courage: The guy who would be really sincere, caring, and madly in love. Would call you up at the least expected times and tell you how much you're being missed, and lustily. And the moment, you want to take it next level, he would panic & sweat. Followed by how much he loves you but wont go against his mum/dad/sister/brother/niece/nephew/aunt/uncle/distant aunt/distant uncle/first cousins/second cousins/bla bla bla..and that you'd be the only girl closest to his heart, well only heart!! Coz one taken off-the-shelf from a bride-store would get rest of the carnal pleasures. Don't fall for this trap and hope like fools that one day he will wake up & don his shining armor and horse-on (okay maybe drive down) to your doorstep to make you his bride.

- 'I AM': The one who loves to talk about himself while you wait for him to stop yapping & order a coffee. He would love to boast of his intellectual prowess but when you discuss the recent intelligence agency catch or some forensic stuff you watch, he would take a nano-sec to change the topic. Well, yes. You hit him at the wrong place. He would tell you how his woman should be well-dressed & articulate, but would forget to take a look at himself in the mirror before he left to meet you.  Of course, you must look good 24*7 like that thing on wall. He would love to flaunt his watch & shoes with glint in eye and everything would point towards his shallow noveau-rich status. Get up lady. He's futile, for even this planet!!

- Complete Jerks: You would be his life-support system (read emotional, mental, physical, & FINANCIAL support). He would embarrass you with almost everything. Basic etiquette, IQ, EQ, and TQ (tear quotient). You'll be expected to protect him when he's eve-teased. Imagine someone who'd even want to know your investments just over your 1st coffee?? Hold yourself from throwing that hot thing right on his face. Bad behavior is not our style!!

- Gender bender: Yes, he was born with 'schizophrenic symptoms'. And he always hallucinates you as his slave. God kicked him into this world only to be entertained, fed, and taken care of. He doesn't need your money but wont mind it either if you deposit all of it in a joint-account. You must regularly update him on number of lipsticks, shoes, bags etc etc you've in closet and convince him why do you need more. He needs a coffee soon as he gets home, though he would never ask you if you ate well, or slept well. That's your job. Not his. Okay. Now its your turn to kick him out the door. 

-Indecisive & confused: Last but not the least on the list of 'Beware/Danger' signs. This guy would know you're exactly his kind and so is he. He loves everything about you. Your lip-shades to the words you use to express. He would never fail to compliment you, make you feel desired, and appreciate you on a task well-done. He would give you equal rights on almost everything and wouldn't like see you sweat alone. Yet he'll never make up his mind and take the next step. At the back of his head, he's wondering if you're the best or there's a princess in a Limo waiting outside for him. Just him. Ofcourse, he'll wait to be doomed. And then, spend rest of life with some other nagging fat regret called 'Wife'.

Note: This piece is not a work of fiction. Its based on true events and characters encountered in everyday life and may bear resemblance to you or those around you. The intention of author is not to de-mean not-so-fair half but to make them realize that a woman's love is not her weakness. Its her beauty and strength. Acknowledge. Appreciate. Treasure. Love survives with an honest team effort and not b/w us, as competitors. Irrespective of the century, essentials of life remain the same. We still desire honest love. Even when sleeping around seems like a norm, we detest disloyalty. We still need a man who's a rock-support but isn't stone-hearted. Your little caring gestures are the most exotic stuff on earth and your loving touch - the most erotic. We still desire you to differentiate b/w 'sex' and 'making love'. We don't need diamonds every time (once in a while is okay :D) but treasure us with subtlety. We might hate so many things about you, yet we convince ourselves they make you sexy. We don't question your importance to our lives so never question ours. We CAN take care of ourselves alone but none of us want to be that way coz we so want you to enjoy the beauty of companionship with us. We might be 'Single & Happy' on face book & twitter but we all wait for the ONE to sweep us off and make a nest. Someone to understand life and its essence, the delicate things around you that you would otherwise miss in those Aviators eying a hot chick. So c'mon, cross that line and do yourself a favor. Justify your manhood beyond just lust and lame excuses. Your chance to set it right is now. Or even God wouldn't care less. 

silhouettes of my shadow...

hunting solace in fine folds of a silk dress
stuff peace shopped in crimson colors

faded moments collide my bag in corridor

hands-in-hands, eyes-on-eyes; a jaded sight

not a good girl anymore

fluster. scream. sulk. then cry - clueless why

feelings blurred, blunt words
ferry out my attic, these lingering sighs
they disturb a placid pulse

not a good girl anymore

as a virgin made love; passion rides pain
some blood, & its all over
kohled eyes romance stone-washed emotions
to let that zing remain

not a good girl anymore

coffined love buried in graveyard

yes, the one lined with symmetrical wild-rose bushes
don't call. i'll be busy tomorrow

hammering nails on this one too, one which has you

not a good girl anymore

it'll be fine in paradise. hearts beat. i catch on some sleep

snuggle to your hard chest, a fiery touch, that melting kiss
your skin sweats, scents wont sublime in mine

its ignorable. only little amiss

not a good girl anymore

as you toss in bed, i turn in your heart

hear whispers crawl your pillow, don't you? {...wont you?...please do..please do...}
avoid. keep closed, those eyes

time to smother hope tonight

not a good girl anymore

yet another day, convinced myself

yet another night, hid myself 

yet another smile, strangulated

not a good girl anymore

this moving silhouette just a shadow, darlin'
walk away. else you'll see
                   she doesn't live there. that good girl
                   no. not anymore
                   not anymore
                   not anymore