So far, not good.

I am gonna be 32 soon. An Indian, single, working girl with a good career, nice parents, lovely siblings, a pretty face, and a fully functional brain. Do I sound narcissistic? Well, No. I am not some self-obsessed arrogant female looking for attention from useless souls. I just know self-worth and don't deny that I love myself. But like most ordinary women, I desire to 'settle down'. Find a good guy (hahahaha), get married, & have children. After falling in love a couple of times with men I thought were good enough, & then going down the hill only to discover cheats & cowards, I finally decided on the arranged marriage bit, thinking families would be involved anyways. But as I have ventured out in that territory for almost a year now, its a strange market. Its disgusting to acknowledge that a sacred & beautiful relationship like marriage has become a commodity available off the shelf. As long as the product is finely polished, who cares what's stuffed inside. No wonder then, most people end up bitter and miserable, and its too late to amend the damage.

My middle class background made me believe that our society has graduated over the time & learnt to respect girls who do have a mind of their own. They are sensible and flexible for the desire of a complete life, keeping some individuality intact. But damn, I am so wrong!

How can I forget I am a woman? As I grow older, my chances of finding a better guy would diminish, though a man of 35 would still have bright chances of finding a much younger partner. But I thought its got not much to do with age. It was about compatibility & liking for each other. Once you strike that note, things fall in place. Wrong again. Its NOT compatibility. Its a bargain. This mindset of people makes me fume, amuse, mock, at the grim situation. I am sure there might be thousands who would be in the same frame as I am.

Because they are parents to a son gives them a 'divine' right to demand a complete package right from your physical appearance to the nature of your job & the dresses you must wear. Everyone seems to be shopping for a beautiful piece of skin. (Yeah, that's all about it).  Many would reply to 'No Dowry' ads but would seek the 'budget' for ceremonies. They claim ' Merit of girl only criteria' but would want to know how many properties her parents have in stock. They would want a working girl with good salary but she must know how to find her way through their stomach. Many might just marry for free sex. Then, there are families that make marriage a way to exercise a veto power. A way to establish authority with no concern to the deeper complications. There are MEN in prime age who don't want to crawl out of mama's lap. (Sure it makes mama gloat with joy like no other) I wonder if they would also teach them the positions....huh!

Its a strange procedure ruled by greed, parochialism, bloated egos, and lots of obscure lies. No one cares for words like truth, humility, grace, and courtesy. But I am still believing there might be someone who is an exception to this crowd. To cherish ME. The woman and the person in his life. Someone who is A Man. Not just by anatomy. But by mind. A man who is capable of recognizing, appreciating, and treasuring the goodness within and deciding for his own life. One who can dare say, 'You are the one. You are perfect the way you are and we'll make it beautiful together." Someone who values my smile in his life the most.....and will do anything to retain it..day by day. Everyday.

In the words of a wise man, "Wife, not mum, is the center of a Man's Life".

Oh God, have you stopped making those kinds??